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Some great research has been done (16 years worth) by the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University on the effect of frequent family dinners on teens’ use of drugs and alcohol. The list of findings below come from The National Survey of American Attitudes on Substance Abuse XV: Teens and Parents which CASA released on 08/19/10. The study surveyed 1055 teens directly (540 males, 515 females), 1000 teens by telephone (511 boys, 489 girls), and 456 parents of these teens via internet. The information was analyzed by QEV Analytics, Ltd. and published in a report called The Importance of Family Dinners VI.
I've had several parents asking this week if they really have to take their toddler's pacifiers away because it has been recommended that it is time to do so. In both cases, the toddlers had terrible reactions. One child had a sleepless night and was inconsolable (which means the parents had a sleepless night too). The other said her child continued to be upset over days and seemed in such distress, that she finally gave it back.
The term “bad language” has almost become passé these days. If you take a walk through a mall, grocery store, or even an office complex you will hear the usual curse words flying through the air as part of regular conversation. Even on the elementary school playground, the use of “bad language” is prevalent. When I was growing up, curse words were considered no-no’s, especially for kids, and even adults were fairly selective about when, where and in what company they cursed. The F-word was especially taboo and you rarely heard it. I am showing my age, yes?
When we are having a conflict with someone, or a disagreement, or even an argument, one of the most difficult things to do is actually listen to what the other person is saying. As they talk, we are usually already formulating our response. That’s especially true if we don’t like what we’re hearing. We are taking a defensive stance meaning that we feel the need to counteract whatever is being said quickly because we really don’t agree with it. We also want to get our point across. Let’s be honest; most of us have difficulty in suspending our own point of view long enough to really listen and try to understand what the other person is really saying or how they are feeling. You might even be thinking, “Well yeah, but that’s because their point of view is totally off!” That may be, but unless you can figure out a way to make the other person feel like you have some interest in hearing them, you will lose their attention and there’s not a chance that the conflict will be resolved. Worse, it will probably escalate and maybe become emotionally heated. Once that happens, the conversation is over.
